EFT Helps Release Core Belief, “No One Ever Loved Me”
By Sherry Banaka, EFT Practitioner
Millie (not her real name) contacted me for an EFT session to work on several troubling events from childhood. When Millie was age 2, her birth mother died. At age 10, Millie got a call from the hospital informing her that that her first stepmother had died. When she was 12, Millie’s dad married her second stepmother, who consistently told Millie she wasn’t wanted. Then 2 years ago, Millie discovered that her dad was not her birth father. Millie told me these events had resulted in a sense of abandonment and abuse, a belief that “No one ever loved me”—sadness at SUD 10 and anger at SUD 10.
As Millie had so many traumatic events, I chose to use the 9 Gamut sandwich technique while tapping on all of the stated events and aspects, beginning with the Setup Statement: “Even though I feel like no one ever loved me, and I have all this sadness and anger, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway,” with “all this sadness” “all this anger“ “no one ever loved me,” as Reminder Phrases. Then we tapped on the 9 Gamut point, saying:
“All this trauma,” and “my birth mother died when I was only 2; when I was 10, I got the call from the hospital, and thinking they had reached my grandmother, they told me my first stepmother had a heart attack and died; then when I was 12, my dad married my second stepmother, who consistently told me I wasn’t wanted, so no wonder I feel abused; and 2 years ago, I found out that the man who was supposedly my dad was not my birth father, no wonder I feel abandoned; no wonder I have all this sadness and anger; no one has ever loved me, and even with all of this, I still deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
Millie’s SUD on sadness was now 7, SUD on anger now 7.
I asked Millie if anything else had come up; she had no further memories. So I asked if the sadness had a color, shape, texture, or appearance. She said, “It’s blue, green, and yellow, swirling together in a round circle, wet like water, and it’s close up. I can touch it, that’s how I know it’s wet.” We tapped a Basic Recipe round on the sadness and these submodalities, and Millie’s SUD on sadness dropped to 5. When asked if anything else came up, she said, “Just the thought: How could somebody do this to a little kid?”
We tapped a round using the 9 Gamut Procedure, while saying, “All this remaining sadness and anger, I’m justified in having all this sadness and anger because no one should treat a little kid this way, and yet they did treat me this way, and no wonder I have this belief that no one ever loved me, no wonder I feel abandoned and abused, it’s normal that I feel this way, anyone would who was treated the way I was treated.”
Millie said her SUD on sadness was now 0, and she said, “A thought came up that when my dad died in 2001, I had lots of issues around his dying, and it was before I knew he wasn’t my birth dad. I had lots of feelings of loneliness because he was the last of my immediate family. I only had one sister who was adopted out, and I never knew her.” Millie’s SUD on loneliness was 7 and abandonment was 7, but she said her SUD on anger was now 0. Millie also said that when she started clearing things, she noticed her eyes were able to go further out toward the periphery when she was doing the 9 Gamut eye movements.
We tapped a 9 Gamut round on the loneliness and abandonment:
“Even though I have these feelings of loneliness and abandonment, I deeply and completely love and accept myself, and even though I feel like no one ever loved me, I deeply and completely love myself unconditionally, and even though my 2-year-old self, and my 10-year-old self, and my 12-year-old self, and my adult self, have all felt abandoned and lonely, I am here for you, my 2-year-old self, my 10-year-old self, my 12-year-old self, my adult self, you are all me and I am all of you, and I will not abandon or abuse you, and I deeply and completely love all of you, all of my selves, unconditionally, and even though it’s true I do have these feelings of loneliness and abandonment, I still deeply and completely love and accept all of myself, and I am me with this loneliness and abandonment, and I am me without this loneliness and abandonment; either way I am still me, and I still deeply and completely love and accept all of myself unconditionally, and I’m willing to consider the possibility that I can let go of all these feelings of loneliness and abandonment now; I see that they have served a purpose; they protected my 2-year-old self, they protected my 10-year-old sel,f and my 12-year-old self, and I acknowledge all of you, all the feelings of loneliness and abandonment, anger and sadness; I acknowledge you and thank you for your role in protecting me; I have learned better coping skills now, and I am ready to move forward; so thank you, and I am letting you all go now, and I deeply and completely love and accept all of myself unconditionally.”
After this round, Millie’s SUD on loneliness was 0; abandonment 0; sadness 0; wet blue, green, and yellow circle 0; and anger 0. I asked Millie to imagine each of the traumas she had listed and tell me how she feels now. On her mom dying when Millie was 2: “It feels like it doesn’t matter anymore.” On the call from the hospital telling Millie her stepmother had died: “It’s just a phone call now, no emotions.” On her second stepmother telling her she wasn’t loved or wanted: “There’s nothing there, either.” On her dad dying in 2001: “No emotions there.” On finding out he wasn’t her birth father: “No emotion now.” She said, “I know all these things happened, but I have no emotions about them now. I feel good; I feel relaxed; I feel like having a nap now.”
Millie contacted me later to thank me. She said, “I’m now able to think of all these traumas without any troubles or emotions. This session was amazing! I can’t thank you enough!”